On the 9th May 2018 I took a trip to Gayndah to drop off rubbish at our local tip, as we don’t have a garbage collection service here. On the way home, as I came to the top side of the bridge crossing the river, I had Sam come to mind. I went through the usual clarity process with my Guides, to be assured it was him. When it was confirmed, and with the aid of my mobile phone, I recorded this conversation:
Pete: Hi Sam, how are you.
Sam: (Still distant but audible) Still none the wiser.
Pete: Confused old mate?
Sam: Yeah. Don’t know where I am….or who I am.
Pete: It takes time….not that I’ve been there yet *Chuckle*
Sam: (Quite serious) And you wouldn’t want to be.
Pete: I do have an advantage thought. You’re not the first to have ‘come down’ to visit me after they’ve ‘died’.
Pete: I’m in Gayndah and heading over the bridge, heading back home. At the intersection with the main street.
Sam: Yeah, I can ‘feel’ the RSL Hall up there, and the memories…..
Pete: (As I turned into the main street) Last Saturday was a long weekend so there’s quite a bit of traffic happening in town.
Pete: (As I passed Gunther Retirement village, Sam’s residency before he went to hospital, I joked,) Sam can’t be home, his Gold Mobile Gopher is missing *Chuckle*
Sam: (Silence, and there was silence all the way up to Danny’s old place heading out of town, the swimming pool, along to the fruit stand on the right side at the end of town and past the 100 kph speed zone.)
Pete: So, did you want to have a chat, mate?
(He seemed stronger the more I moved out of town. He was sitting in a rather large, round back chair and in a dressing gown. Not a dressing gown I recognise, but then in hospital he usually wore a hospital robe. It was quite a large room, but not one I’ve ever seen before. He looked to be bend over more than when I last saw him and he looked tired, though he tried to be jovial.
Sam: You guys know so much.
Pete: You mean Danny and I?
Sam: Yeah. There must be lots that are in the same situation as me.
Pete: So do you see anyone else there. I mean have you had visitors while you’ve been there?
Sam: Fred’s had some thoughts of me, but doesn’t realise I can ‘hear’ him. Good thoughts, like he’s missing me. Some others also. Adam’s the strongest from family. Kindred spirits I think.
Pete: I meant others who have passed over, spirits/ghosts or whatever, do you get to see or make contact with anything like that?
Sam: There’s always parties going on, in the other rooms, but I’m really not interested in partying.
Pete: Do you see them, the party goers. Do you hear them, or do you just sense or feel them being there?
Sam: (Pauses to contemplate) I don’t know. I just know they’re there. They’re happy and friendly, but I’m just not interested.
Pete: (We were coming up to his old home at Gooroolba and I mentioned it to him) Have you been back to Gooroolba since I chatted with you that night?
Sam: Na, nothing for me there now. Everything’s changed….not the same.
Sam: Yeah Jill.
Pete: What makes you believe there’s not going to be something there with Jill for you, after you’ve got through this ‘nightmare’?
Sam: I just know. Too much to change. She’s not worth it, or I’m not worth it. I don’t know. There’s just too much to deal with.
Pete: Do you have thoughts, like you feel you’re chatting to yourself in your mind, like you used to do?
Sam: No, I never did that.
Pete: You didn’t mull things over? Have recollections? Have memories come back?
Sam: Yeah. Everyone does. But I never thought of God thoughts or stuff like that.
(I found that interesting because I made no reference to God, or Heaven or similar. Maybe it was Freudian Slip on Sam’s part)
Pete: Are you having those old kind of thoughts now, or have you since you ‘came over’?
Sam: Yeah. You and Danny. That’s how we make contact. You both came to me in my thoughts. Others float by, but they don’t stick. Mostly my thoughts are about what I’m missing, what I used to do….with Jill….and when I was on my own after she’d gone.
Pete: That’s sad Sam.
Sam: Yeah, but what’s the alternative? I can’t go back.
Pete: So is that it? That you stay there, in that room? Recollections that no longer have Jill?
Sam: (Irritated) Well what else is there. And don’t go bringing up God, or spirits or shit.
(Again I was intrigued that he mentioned this as I hadn’t mentioned it before. Something’s obviously churning this over in his mind. And that to me is a good sign.)
Pete: When you were at your lowest, back in Gooroolba, didn’t you break out of that loneliness by ‘going somewhere’?
Sam: Of course I did. Down to Danny and his wife’s, the Orange with you to play the pokies. But where’s there to go now?
Pete: Remember I said you have to learn to crawl before you walk? Remember I got you to move off the bed, to take the walking frame and move to the window and open the curtain?
Sam: Great lot of good that did me. Broke my heart when she stayed away.
Pete: (After a few minutes as I allowed a truck to overtake me) Confusion er old mate? Sorting that out takes time, and it must be hell.
Sam: Tell me about it.
Pete: Sam, you must have had expectations, before you passed over, that after you ‘died’ Jill would be there waiting for you. Yet you didn’t believe in life after death. So there’s one major hurdle you must face, come to terms with.
Pete: Then there’s your own body, that was riddled with cancer, needing heaps of medication just to exist, yet you’re alive and kicking, with nothing, not even food, and you’re certainly not ‘alive,’ here with us.
Sam: It’s too much.
Pete: You trusted me to leave the bed, with the walking frame and the curtains. You need to trust me again. You need to go over to the fridge, break open a can of Black Douglas and then come on back.
Sam: (Laughing) If this is heaven, how can there be booze.
Pete: First fallacy you have to overcome mate. The crap we were told, like no alcohol in Heaven, often stops many enjoying their own personal Heaven. Have a go. See what happens.
Sam: (Laughing) What fridge?
Pete: Make one up Sam. Pretend.
Sam: (Still laughing, reaches out for the make believe fridge) HA, I don’t believe it. The fridge is real.
Pete: Now open the door, take out a can and join me.
Sam: (Still laughing) Wow these cans are huge.
Pete: And you can drink as many as you like, and they’re free. (I’m now pulling into my yard) So I’m going to have to leave you old mate. After you’ve had a few of those, think about going to the door and just looking at the party goers next door, you don’t have to go in. Just be an observer, that’s all…..And have an extra super large one of those Black Douglas’ for me.
Sam: (Laughing loudly) Ok.